My sister passed away on the 30th of October. It is a date that I won’t soon forget. The painful part of this grieving process is far from over. In fact, I am starting to believe that grieving never truly ends, you just learn to push back thoughts of your loved one and for a small part of the day, it is as though you have forgotten that they are no longer here.
Death of a loved one whether expected or unexpected is painful. There is no way to prepare your heart for the painful reminder that lives in every old message, every item of clothing, every single belonging, that they are not coming back. It’s a tear in the heart.
A book that I have been reading as a sort of escapism is ‘the sun and her flowers,’ by Rupi Kaur. It is a straightforward read, explores grief, self-abandonment and honouring your roots, more than anything it is a book about being raw and as honest as possible with yourself. The book is divided in sections that reflect the cycles of life that we go through; wilting, falling, rooting, rising and blooming. The days following my sister’s passing, I would re-read every single poem in the wilting section because that is how I felt without my sunflower. Slowly losing a piece of myself each day. Wilting.
The resiliency and graceful strength that my sister had is unmatched by any other human that I have the pleasure of knowing. Reading this book, I am slowly starting to accept the fact that my sister is no longer here. It is a painful acceptance because there is a part of me (perhaps brainwashed by childhood dreams) that believes she’s going to come back, the belief rooted in what we’re fed in superhero movies that our heroes never truly die. The heroine that makes a miraculous return, unscathed and stronger.
The recipe of life doesn’t play out like that script where your hero/heroine comes back. It doesn’t play out like the script where you’re woken up and it is a bad dream. The recipe of life isn’t always sweet or soothing. The recipe of life is filled with moments where like the seedling that develops into a sunflower, you have to push through the dirt in order to grow. The recipe of life is wilt, fall, root, rise, and bloom.
this is the recipe of life
said my mother
as she held me in her arms as i wept
think of those flowers you plant
in the garden each year
they will teach you
that people too
in order to bloom
~ rupi kaur
GIVEAWAY: Two copies of ‘the sun and her flowers,’ are up for grabs. It’s pretty easy, all you have to do is leave a number, (any number) between 1-30 as a comment underneath this blog post or on my other social media pages, and the people closest to my two favourite numbers win!
P.s. this is an international giveaway.